Today at lunch I came up with an idea for a short documentary feature. It could be featured on something trashy like TLC. Supposedly “The Learning Channel” highlights characters from different walks of life to be understood and appreciated by all of us normals. I’ve seen them feature a series of morbidly obese Brits and a dwarf pumpkin salesman. While the packaging is a bit more family friendly than Jerry Springer or Ricky Lake, the end result is the same. All they really do is exploit freaks. Here’s another freak for them:
The show would be about a 20 year old guy, loosely based on a friend of mine. His height would be average for a guy, maybe 5’9” or 5’10”, and a little on the hefty side. He wouldn’t look too big. Looking at the guy, you’d probably guess he weighs something hovering just a bit over two bills. As it turns out, he actually weighs something more like 600 lbs. Flying in the face of all physical logic, the man grew up with a normal appearance but with a density three times that of a normal individual.
An excerpt from an imaginary interview:
“It wasn’t like I just looked down at the scale one day and noticed I weighed a shitload more than I should’ve. It’s not like you don’t notice weighing as much as a buffalo. Normal stuff just gets harder… yeah, like chairs… I’ve broken something like seven dinner chairs in the past two years.”
Little Feat - Fat Man In The Bathtub (Live)
The Hollies - He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother
-Benjy
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